Yesterday was one of those days. The effects of sleep deprivation, low carbs (I carb cycle so don’t fret, not every day is like this) and… well. It was one of those days.
Prompted by my Monday misadventures, here’s a list a few of you might recognise 😉
You know you’re a dieting bodybuilder when…
You set fire to a tea towel, melt your blender and drop 1 litre egg whites on the floor. Within the space of five minutes.
To explain: I now have a very small kitchen, not much surface space. I also have a hob with electric rings (I’ve never had one before and am still not used to its sneaky ways). I often put a tea towel over half of the hob surface, for drying my washing up, and just use two rings for cooking.
You can see where this is heading… (shame I couldn’t! 😉 )
I turned the hob on, to boil the kettle. Idly wondered why the kettle wasn’t boiling. Idly wondered what that weird smell was. Slightly less idly wondered WHY THE HELL MY TEA TOWEL WAS AFLAME! Yeah, I’d turned on the ring under the tea towel, not the ring under the kettle.
The melted blender? I’ve been addicted to ice slushies recently, so my blender cup was part of the washing up drying on the tea towel. It melted. All over the flaming tea towel, the electric hob ring… oh, god.
The egg whites? Oh, I just dropped them. No long story there. Just tired.
You also know you’re a dieting bodybuilder when…
… running out of broccoli is a very real, urgent and problematic occurrence.
… you buy three types of broccoli (fresh, frozen, tenderstem) and feel this somehow illustrates a varied dietary intake. Three types! Three ways!
… you swing by the supermarket straight from the gym but feel you should put a jumper [American readers – “a sweater” 😉 ] on, because last time you went in with bare arms, a group of girls stared and pointed
… you get competitive with other walkers whilst you’re walking your dog. Never mind that they have no idea about your two-person power walking footrace. Are they seriously trying to pull ahead of you, over there on the opposite side of the canal? We’ll see about that! HAHAHAHA I MADE IT TO THE END FIRST!
… you need “a little nap” at around 3:43pm (give or take a few minutes) every damn day
… you pour water down your sleeve by mistake whilst filling a drinks bottle and actually cry real tears because “I don’t want water in my sleeve! No! I don’t want!” (<<< embarrassing)
… you burn yourself with your own oats – because you were trying to make them as exciting as possible (by baking them to new heights of scorching temperatures)
… then the next day you drop a dumbbell on your foot
And with that I'm going to bed. Because I am
100 years old dieting for a bodybuilding comp.
Competitors – or anyone who’s had to diet down for any reason – what are some of your funniest “diet brain” stories? I know I’m not the only one…
Nicola Joyce – the Fit Writer – is a freelance copywriter and journalist who writes for the sport and fitness industry. Her main website is here.