My 2014 contest prep marches on, and the diet has started to kick in.
You know you’re a dieting bodybuilder when… (feel free to fill in the blank with your own funniest, strangest or most melodramatic and self-indulgent story!)
You strip your bedsheets in the morning when you’re full of beans, thinking you’ll make the bed later. By “later”, the very thought of such immense levels of activity is enough to reduce you to tears. You sleep wrapped in a sheet for the next four days.
You strategically combine household chores according to height. Already undoing your shoes? So pick up the junk mail and straighten the doormat whilst you’re down there. Saves energy. Every little helps.
A bit of paper blows off the kitchen counter on to the floor and you stand, staring at it, before bursting into tears of self-pity and rage. You now have to bend down and pick it up?!
8:30pm is a perfectly reasonable bedtime for a fully-grown adult.
You invent new and unusual ways with dry shampoo, because even the idea of washing your hair is enough to make you need a little sit down. You haven’t actually dried your hair in weeks.
You consider moving to a bungalow so that going to the toilet is less of an arduous ordeal.
But your house does have a staircase. Which you have taken to crawling up, on hands and knees, when you’ve trained legs that day.
You just can’t be bothered to make your food interesting any more. It’s too much effort. Who cares, anyway?
The sight of a new line in your abs/glutes/quads has a revitalising effect like nothing else! You (momentarily) feel like you could run 10 miles! Til… er… about 5 minutes later.
Your tolerance-to-attitude ratio reaches peak velocity (“look at this selfie of my abs! Now shut up and go away!”)
You put on noise-cancelling headphones whilst the dog is eating his dinner because the noises he makes are quite simply beyond anything anybody should have to tolerate.
Coffee. So much coffee.
Written with fond and humble apologies to my nearest and dearest. Especially the dog. 😉
Nicola Joyce – the Fit Writer – is a freelance copywriter and journalist who writes for the sport and fitness industry. Her main website is here.