Yawn. Hello. This post is brought to you by black coffee and a not-insignificant amount of effort… yes, my bodybuilding British Finals is this Sunday so suffice to say I’m feeling very tired, very sore and very flat.
I remember how you guys liked my very first “random thoughts from…” post back in 2011, before my first ever competition. A few funny things have happened in the last few days (well, not BAFTA-winning standard of comedy, you understand, just things that have raised a wry smile). And since you found it interesting to read about weeing into a plastic cup, I thought you might find it interesting to read about the things that can happen at the sharp end of a prep diet.
This post could be titled: “Why does everything. Take. So. Long?”
Everything takes longer when you’re dieting right down for a comp. Maybe it’s just me! I hope not. But I seem on a permanent go-slow. I forget things. I stand in the middle of the room not even knowing if I’m coming or going, let alone what I’ve forgotten. You get the idea.
So, here are a few scenarios which go some way to answering the question “why does everything take so long?”
Because you have to double back on yourself
Today I went to train, and even took my shoes with me to get some extra posing practice in at the gym’s studio. Chuffed with myself for getting so many things done, I left and went off to my sports massage. Lying there, I had a nagging sensation which was nothing to do with my hamstrings. Where were my shoes? I don’t recall putting them back in the car. Please, for the love of Arnold, say I didn’t put them on the roof of the car before driving off. No, I didn’t. Phew! I also didn’t put them in the car. I left them at the gym. Worst of all, I left them upstairs. So not only did I have to go back on myself to the gym but I had to walk up an extra flight of stairs.
Because you knock things over more often then get a bit OCD about clearing it all up
Particularly in the morning. Make a coffee. Knock the aeropress off the cup. Decide it simply must be cleared up this moment. Slop water on the floor. Ditto. Pull some crockery off the side whilst moving the tea towel. By now it is half an hour later than you hoped it would be and the kitchen is in worse disarray than if you’d left the few atoms of ground coffee where they fell.
Because you stockpile food like there’s a zombie apocalypse incoming
I do need more chicken, turkey and steak. But not this much. Is it just me who over-purchases diet food? Why! My fridge is bursting with broccoli. My freezer runneth over with meat. My sister is clapping her hands at random gifts of chicken and mince. And, meanwhile, my eyes still light up whenever I get an email declaring some amazing offer on chicken breasts and sirloin. Stop the madness!
Because you put things in the wrong place
Where is the tin of dog food? Where? I mean… just… where? Oh, sure, it’s in the freezer.
Because you lose things
I actually can’t even remember what I was going to write under this section. Does that make it even worse?!
Because things in containers are not always what they seem
On Sunday I went from the gym to my Dad’s to hang out with Pops and my nephew.
Here’s an adorable video which you simply must watch, about Matthew the caterpillar. I’m sure it’s quite the cutest video of a 3-year-old ever.
Anyway, I’d taken a meal with me in a plastic tub, just in case I hung out long enough. And I did. So I got the tub out of my warm gym bag, set it in the sun on the garden table and then opened it up to eat it. Oh, no. That’s not my chicken and veggies! It’s possibly the last thing you’d want to carry with you in a hot car, then in a gym locker, then in a hot car, then in a warm garden. Raw trout.
If you’re competing, racing or performing (Sista!) this weekend: good luck and enjoy!
Nicola Joyce – the Fit Writer – is a freelance copywriter and journalist who writes for the sport and fitness industry. Her main website is here.